Why We Break Up Without Actually Breaking Up

Breaking up is hard to do... but ya gotta do it. In your adult dating life you are bound to experience a plethora of break ups if you're like most people. Congratulations if you are in that rare (annoying) population who meets "the one" in high school or college and gets married the next day. But for the rest of us, it's gonna be a long, painful road to "The One". But why can't we be adults about breaking up? Why do we just let things fizzle off? Why don't we sit down and say what went wrong and why we can't move forward together and then legitimately each have closure??? Why do we break up without actually breaking up?

One reason people slide out the back door without a clear, verbal break up is because they want to leave that door open for the potential to return. If they still have some sort of feelings for you and/or know that you would make a good spouse, they want to leave their options open for the future. Perhaps if they just stop texting you or ignore your calls they could just show up one day later once they've changed their mind and pick up where they left off (with a lengthy apology of course).

Another reason is because they don't want to hurt your feelings. If you really care about someone (even if you don't want to be with them anymore) the last thing you want to do is hurt their feelings. This tends to be the reason for men, especially if their dating a girl who cries. Men HATE to see women cry.
And if a woman's going to cry, it's probably going to be dring a break up (even the strongest, most independent women cry).


Last, but not least, people break up without breaking up simply because they're cowards! Not knowing what to say is not an excuse. You can't just stop texting, stop responding to texts, and expect that to be an okay way to end a relationship. Even if you're "just talking" you should have the decency to say, "I don't think things are going to work out between us" or "I'm not interested in you anymore". It's going to hurt the person regardless. But the pain of thining you're in a relationship when the other person is done with you is far greater than the pain of a face-to-face, honest break up. Just do it. #Nike.

What you said on Twitter:

• @FatimaW - "I fully believe in closure & u'll never have 2 wonder if i'm done. If i sense u r, then imma call it! #honesty

 

 

 

 

Video: Somebody That I Used To Know

Suggested by the author:

• Breaking up? Here's why!
• Breaking up: healing is a process
• Breakups: The Psychology of leaving and getting back your possessions
• Breakups and makeups: Jake, Reese, Jude and Sienna addition
• Breakups: Getting over the "fade away" breakup

 For more from this author, visit Richmond African American Relationships Examiner.
Tara Carr, a regular contributor to Examiner.com, is a twenty-something year old sharing her views on life and love. Tara obtained a B. A. in Communication Studies with a concentration in Mass Media. She draws on her courses in Interpersonal Communication, Gender & Communication, and Intercultural Communication for many of her articles as well as day-to-day experiences.